“You can’t think your way into power – you have to embody it.”
You Think You Crave Connection — But Are You Actually Avoiding It?
You scroll social media hoping to feel closer to people. You attend events, maybe even ask good questions. But why do so many conversations still feel shallow? Why do you leave with more names in your phone… but no one to call when you’re spiraling at 2 a.m.?
That hollow feeling isn’t from lack of effort. It’s from lack of alignment. Courtney Confare knows this well. Once labeled the “shy girl” who couldn’t keep close friendships, she now leads events where 89 women show up to connect — not just network.
Her journey isn’t just inspiring. It’s a blueprint.
Trapped by Labels, Starved for Connection
Courtney was the kind of girl who went to events alone. She had boyfriends but no girlfriends. Acquaintances, but no community. Conversations, but no deep connection.
“Someone called me shy in middle school. I adopted that identity and stopped expressing myself. I believed I wasn’t someone who could be seen.”
Limiting beliefs like these don’t just affect your confidence. They distort your ability to connect. Even in relationships, Courtney was drawn to long-distance situations — ones that conveniently kept emotional intimacy at bay.
“I thought I was the problem. I thought I just couldn’t relate to people.”
Sound familiar?
Freedom Through Anonymity
Solo travel cracked her open. Far from anyone who knew her “label,” Courtney found freedom to experiment with her true self.
“No one could say ‘that’s not you.’ So I got curious. I let myself be seen.”
Here’s where we bring in science: Neuroplasticity shows that unfamiliar environments make it easier to rewire identity. Novelty reduces subconscious resistance. That’s why travel was so powerful.
This embodied what Carl Jung called:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Courtney’s transformation had begun.
Courtney Connects: When You Can’t Find Community, Create It
After moving to Austin, Courtney launched a bold experiment: she messaged 400 women on Bumble BFF, using a spreadsheet to track potential friends.
“I figured it was a numbers game. I had no expectations. Just curiosity.”
Her first events drew 8, then 10, then suddenly 89 women showed up to a bar she had spontaneously pitched to host her.
“I didn’t even have a brand name. Just a vision to create spaces where people feel seen.”
This is magnetism in action.
“Charisma is not an innate trait; it’s a skill that can be learned and developed.” — Olivia Fox Cabane
How? By embodying these shifts:
Shift #1: Authenticity Over Approval
“I started speaking my voice more. Even when I get hate comments now, I love it. It means I’m in alignment with myself.”
She dropped the performance and embraced presence.
Ask yourself:
– Are you expressing or performing? – If you never got validation, would you still act the same?
💡 Try This:
– Go to your next social event with zero expectation. – Share a recent challenge you’ve overcome. – Notice who leans in.
Key Insight: Authenticity repels the wrong people and magnetizes the right ones.
“It’s not your job to be liked. It’s your job to be real.”
Shift #2: Curiosity Is the Shortcut to Deep Connection
“I used to walk up to strangers at beer festivals and ask to join. I wasn’t trying to be impressive. I was just genuinely interested.”
Courtney doesn’t wait for people to earn her attention. She radiates curiosity, and people open up in return.
“Curiosity is a vibration you can call up anytime.”
Questions she teaches people to ask:
– What’s something you’re excited about right now? – What was the highlight of your week? – What’s lighting you up these days?
💡 Practice This Week:
-Ask a non-surface question to 3 new people. -Then pause. Actually listen. Look for the emotional thread.
Key Insight: If you want deeper answers, ask better questions.
“Listening is the art of recognizing emotional threads and following them.”
Shift #3: Dismantle Your Limiting Beliefs — With Action
“I thought I was shy. I wasn’t. I was just afraid to be seen.”
Most people try to think their way into confidence. Courtney did the opposite. She took action, then built belief around it.
Psychologists call this identity-based habit formation. (James Clear, anyone?)
Belief Audit Exercise:
1. Write 3 things you believe about yourself socially. 2. Ask: Who gave me this story? 3. Rewrite it: I used to believe___________________. Now I know_______________________
“Trust is the glue of life.” — Stephen Covey
What Most People Get Wrong About Magnetism
“They chase it like a trick. But Courtney didn’t “hack” connection. She became the kind of person who attracts it.
How?
– She kept her heart open even after rejection. – She practiced courage over comfort. – She stayed aligned to her vision even when it felt cringey.
“Personal magnetism starts with a strong heart-brain connection.” — Affirmnosis
“Once I stopped trying to be liked, I became magnetic.”
Why Community Accelerates Your Growth
“When you’re authentic, you repel the wrong people. But the right people? They’re drawn like bees to honey.”
Courtney doesn’t let anyone into her events. She handpicks based on alignment: health, ambition, openness.
This structure transforms her events into emotional accelerators.
“Strong, honest, and deep connections with your customers… that’s the key.” — Marie Forleo
Evaluate Your Circle:
– Are your 5 closest people modeling the life you want? – Are they expanding you or enabling you?
Want to upgrade? Join spaces where vulnerability is the norm, not the exception.
The Magnetic Framework (5 Steps)
1. Get Messy: Share the behind-the-scenes version of your life. 2. Pursue Curiosity: Lead with interest, not ego. 3. Open the Heart: Visualize emotional connection like a door you can swing open. 4. Invite, Don’t Chase: Stop performing. Let your energy do the filtering. 5. Reflect Boldly: Audit your circle. Say no more often.
Measure Progress:
– of emotionally real convos this week – of times you expressed without filtering – How often people say: “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
Self-Assessment: Where Are You Right Now?
Score 1-5:
1. I express emotions openly. 2. I ask deeper questions. 3. I initiate connection often. 4. I’m surrounded by authentic people. 6. I feel magnetic more days than not.
TOTAL: __ / 25
If you’re below 15, good. That means you’re ready.
Final Takeaway: Deep Connection is a Choice. So is Hiding.
Your magnetism doesn’t come from being extroverted. It comes from being aligned.
Your community isn’t waiting to find you. It’s waiting for you to show up.
“Each of us is surrounded by a field of magnetic influence.” — Theron Q. Dumont
“If I couldn’t find connection, I would create it. And it turns out, that made me magnetic.” — Courtney
